@Ashen said:
It’s very thoughtful of you to consider your mother in this. If the meds have helped you before, then I say go for it. !

Thats the point – they didnt help me before. They gave me the short-team illusion of help and in the end they created much more problems that they solved in the first place.
Also, i want to write about two things.
At first, i realized that i still can’t forgive myself for allowing the things that happened and this self-defeating attitude that you may see in my thread is some kind of punishment for that. How to forgive yourself?
And second – why are memories so extremely painful? I know a lot of people experience it during breakup, but not like this. They are literally killing me. There are so many of them: school memories of hanging out with ex-friend, our last telephone conversation, behavior of my ex-gf in details, our last goodbye, when i kissed her and saw her weird smile while i didnt know she already made up her mind to never meet me again. Those times when i left them alone for a few minutes, just to get back and see that they are flirting with each other, while i thought that they just being friendly…those hurtful moments are countless. I feel like i stuck in some crappy cinema, watching this horror over and over again. I don’t want to sit there, but some chaing are holding me. How to break them?