My dating site subscription expires at the end of the month and it couldn’t be soon enough. This day and this time of the year just brings me down. It is disheartening to have always had an optimistic attitude towards dating and finding someone to share your life, but I feel that I have lost faith in it all.
I said I was talking to a woman that I knew years ago, and after telling her that I was attracted to her, it felt like she was toying with me. I stopped texting her a few days ago. If she was truly interested she would have taken it upon herself to send a message. She hasn’t so I just deleted her number from my phone. She was kind of a superficial person so it wouldn’t have worked anyways.
I saw a woman on that dating site that I was in a divorce support group with when my marriage ended a few years ago. I sent her a message, just to say hello and to have a merry Christmas. I wasn’t expecting anything back, and I guess it’s good that I don’t expect much out of women around my area these days, because that’s what comes to me. Is simple politeness that difficult for some people these days?

It’s hard to not be bitter anymore. The women I saw earlier this year, I was a gentleman, and I treated them with the respect they deserved. When I messaged any woman on the dating site, I always sent them decent messages about something they wrote on their profiles because I wanted to know the person.

It’s Xmas time, and for four years running, I get to show up with the boys and myself. I am fortunate that I get to take my boys with me, but I look at all the couples, and I don’t know if I will ever get to be part of that again. I thought I might have a chance earlier this year but that faded way.Heck, now my nephews are starting to bring girlfriends to these gatherings. I just look forward to the gathering ending.

I have come to the point that I feel like I am not worth the effort for women to be around me or even get to know me better. The one that I tried to build a life with, basically tries to use me when it’s convenient for her. When my ex decided to go to her work party a week ago tonight, the boys were at her place. When I talked to them at 9:30, they were told by her that she wasn’t sure when she would home, and they had been alone for 5 hours. They are 14 and 11, and I know they aren’t babies, but they had school the next day.

I texted and asked her why they couldn’t come to my place if she was going to be out late. Her response was to tell me to f-off. I let her know that if she still wasn’t there by 11:30, the boys were coming home to me. She ended up getting there by about midnight. Not before blasting me with a barrage of insults because I wanted to be with my boys while she wanted to stay out all hours.
I have my sons all of Xmas this year. Today I receive a text from her asking to have the boys with her for a few hours on xmas day. It’s like she never said a word to me and never did anything that was selfish towards the kids. She just wants to use me again, like she did and has tried to for years. By the way, she doesn’t have a boyfriend this year, so that’s why she is asking. She never asked any other year they were with me.

I sound like a wallowing wimp. I can’t help it. I feel like I will never have a relationship, a special connection to someone again. I see people do it more than once. I see people who have it and it’s like they figured out the right way to do things. It’s like something I thought I use to know but it’s like that is a lifetime ago.

It sucks to not believe in something that you thought was so special at one time, and that you had faith that you could always get it again.