this can be a very emotionally painful, and difficult situation to navigate.. having had an extremely similiar situation in my past i sympathize with the predicament you are in and am sending you loving thoughts, courage, and healing.

i was once in a situation with a man who felt he couldn’t choose between me and another other woman he had a long history & open relationship with. ultimately he decided he wanted to be with both us rather than make a choice. his lack of commitment to me and the mere fact that he felt he had to choose led me to believe we weren’t on the same page, no matter what my feelings were and so i had to leave. i would have been miserable and i couldn’t have been true to myself and my needs if i had stayed.

i say this only because as this was going on there were many things i had failed to ask myself, and what i hope i can pass on to you are all the questions i forgot: how can i be compassionate to myself? what do i want out of this relationship? can he give this to me? could i be with a man who’s still holding on to another woman, could i ever be comfortable in this relationship?

in constantly questioning if i was being compassionate enough to this man who couldn’t make up his mind, i forgot all about having any compassion for myself.

things i’d asked myself which i wish i hadn’t: am i not enough, that he can’t let go of this other woman? if i love him more, if i am understanding and don’t pressure him, is it possible he’ll come around and make a decision/commit?

we cannot change other people, but we can be honest with ourselves and set clear boundaries in order to protect our relationship with ourselves.

what i would say to you is in your love for this man, please don’t lose the love and compassion you have for yourself. you sound like you care deeply for him, and that’s a beautiful thing, but don’t let your love and commitment to yourself waiver due to his current struggles and indecision.

ask yourself for what you want and need, and ask him what he wants and needs. see where there is room for compromise, and see where there is none.

as far as where he is at i hope he can find the strength to be honest – honest from his heart, with this woman and with you. how can he be fully emotionally present and available to either of you in this state? it is not fair to all three of you in this way.

whatever you decide, the love you have for yourself and honesty you uphold within yourself will always carry you through <3