Hi Cameron,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I am sorry that you also dealt with such a toxic person. I have been reading a lot about others experiences with leaving a toxic person. Some of the things that stuck out to me – The relationship wasn’t real. Everything that was projected onto us by the other person, was about them. Their own self-hatred, guilt for their dishonesty (He may have been seeking comfort for cheating on you when he asked for you to pamper him)… although, we were ourselves in the relationship (with our capacity to care for someone else), the people that we were with were very selfish and used it to get out of what they emotionally needed. No one deserves to be treated this way. The guilt is their own and not ours to carry. It still hurts to allow someone into your world and have them misuse it. I think we need to figure out why we allowed ourselves to be treated this way, in order to learn from it but not stay in that mental space too long. It’s okay for us to feel hurt, angry, sad, and a little lost… we just need to learn to adjust and deal with these feelings in a positive way. I started meditating to deal with feeling overwhelmed. Since, I just started its been kind of frustrating. haha. but it’s helping me feel less chaotic. Best of luck on your emotional journey. I think this will make us stronger! 🙂

Hi Inky,
I think and know that you are right but it’s not easy. haha. I am like taking care of others and I am use to having a man to take care. Anything that I continue with right now will not be real because of my need to find balance. Just sucks to find someone who wants the same things out of life, that I could see myself being happy with, and who is genuinely an awesome human being… when the timing is wrong.

Hi Yue,
Thank you for the kind words 🙂 You are right about the over thinking leading to self-doubt. I was trying to figure out how I allowed someone to treat me badly and why it took me so long to realize what was actually happening. I started thinking about my past. My toxic relationship with my father and then the pattern in relationships that followed. I felt ashamed of allowing the betrayal of a parent have such control and impact on my life. Verbally abusing myself and disconnecting emotionally from those around me. It caused my heart and mind to race. I usually need time to process emotions but it spiraled pretty far this time. I wrote about it and leaned on my best friend. I am feeling better and calmer now. I also, feel like I am better equipped for next time I possibly start feeling bad. I completely agree about needing to be present. I feel like this has been something I have struggled with for a while. I have a habit of daydreaming and of putting my mind on something else in situations that I don’t like, agree with, feel unable to openly express myself, etc. Breathing has been working. Thank you for your advice. (:

Hi Sarah,
thank you for your support. A lot of things that I previously believe about myself or that I thought were truths, which were really my ex’s issues or things that he repeatedly told me… they have been coming to light. Which has been good but shocking… It has also been mind blowing, at times. haha. I am feeling more positive right now. Laughing more, reverse negative thought patterns/kind to myself (being self deprecating, a bit)… thank you! x