I have no advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I am in a very similar place right now. I am struggling mightily to find myself, my motivation, my desire to move in any direction let alone forward and away from him.

He has made it clear that he does not want me but there is still a part of me that can’t stop wondering if reconciliation could happen though it would be an emotionally unhealthy choice for me given the treatment I have tolerated as the relationship ended.

I hate that I am struggling and wallowing in this pit of despair but feel helpless to pull myself out of it and reestablish the sense of self worth I had prior to this relationship.