Thank you for your comments Maggie and sorry for the delay. I’ve been thinking about your comments for the last few days and finally have some time to write back.

I started this post over a month ago and nothing has changed. The New Year came and went and our status did not change. The deadline meant nothing, especially since I didn’t move out (nowhere to go and I’m traveling for work.) He told me we’ll probably get engaged in January. And then last night he says probably not because he still isn’t sure. WTH? I asked him to stop playing these mind games with me every single month but he says he’s doing nothing wrong. He isn’t going to propose until he feels it is right. I agree that it SHOULD feel right…I just don’t think it takes 7 months after you buy a ring to figure that out. I’m turning 38 years old in March. I really don’t have time to mess around anymore. It’ll also be a year in March when I first tried to break up with him because this wasn’t going anywhere. A year later, an expensive ring later, and nothing has changed except for I was dumb and moved in with him.

Unfortunately, I cannot be the one to call his bluff and leave. He owns the house. I have been searching and searching for a decent place that I can afford but rent has just skyrocketed lately. Even if I could muster up the strength to walk away from a man I thought I was going to marry, I can’t find anything that isn’t a rat hole to live in. This is the reason I’ve stayed as long as I have. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I would have gotten a spine, packed up, and said to hell with you, I’m out of here. One thing I DID do though is stop paying him rent. If he can back out of the agreement, so can I. He’s not going to pad his savings account while I go through hell and back.

Withholding sex also won’t work because I wouldn’t say he’s a normal guy in that aspect. I’m the one who always has to ask for it. And I have to ask him to hold my hand, kiss me, hug me, etc. He stopped showing any affection towards me once I moved in because he said he sees me everyday so he doesn’t feel the need to show affection every day. Again, WTH?

I asked him last night to show me one good gesture…tell me one reason why I should stay with him. He couldn’t come up with anything. Even in writing this, I’m aware of how pathetic I am and how, smart as I think I am, I’ve become “that” girl. The girl I swore I would never become. It’s just not a fun feeling being knocked backwards on your a$$ and taking a huge step backwards at my age. Bathrobe, curlers and 8 cats…here I come…(well, once I find a place to live anyway!)