Thank you for the responses Moongal and Kim.

@Kim, I’m glad that you could relate with me and more so that you are over those feelings and are able to approach people and make friends without judgement because it sucks to be here. I’m sure that you have mentioned in your post about how you got over those things but do you mind elaborating a little again? Was it just therapy that helped you get rid of them?

As I said before, my insecurities are deep rooted and I could pin point a million things that could have caused them – not being accepted at school, not being good enough for my family – ever, constantly being compared to my peers by my mother from a very young age, not finding acceptance among my cousins… so many things.

One of the things that I think about most often could be the fact that I see friendship with a certain kind of people as the proverbial green grass on the other side. As I’ve never been friends with them and more importantly, as I’ve had such a surreal life (in a bad way), I see their exterior and see how happy they are and I feel like I want the “normalcy” that they have – the connection to the real world, if you will.

Thanks again for the responses.