It’s great when you meet someone that you have a great connection with, so much chemistry, it’s magical. But it sounds like you’re both very young and added to that mix alcohol when you’re out clubbing and yeah you’re not making the best decisions. Sure that kiss must have been painful. Maybe she didn’t mean it that way. Maybe she was trying to test you/ provoke you to see what your feelings were really like? It sounds like she’s still trying to figure out her own life. So if you’re both in the same situation, both trying to figure out your life, that’s not a solid foundation for a relationship of any kind, no matter how strong of a connection you feel to each other. I think what’s more important at this stage is focusing on fixing your life, getting help for addiction problems and figuring out what you want to do with your life. Sure travel is great but you can’t stay in the early 20s going out and partying and staying in hostels forever. You can travel as a mature adult and connect with other mature adults. So just focus on you for a while so you have a strong sense of self and direction and that will help you establish a meaningful and sustainable relationship, with this girl or another.