Thanks for the help, Matthew. Except for the counselor, I’ve done or am doing most of the stuff you suggested: Mindfulness, exercise, and diet, which is like the non-medication bipolar treatment trifecta. I still appreciate hearing it, because it makes me feel better, like I am taking care of myself as well as I am able.

I know what you mean about bothered about your ex’s opinion. Towards the end of my relationship, I did a lot of things I was ashamed of and I couldn’t bear the thought of that being my ex’s last memory of me when we broke up. I still can’t articulate why I didn’t want him to have a negative opinion of me, but I can’t articulate why I don’t want my mom or my friends to think badly of me either. That’s just how it is. It got to the point where I would have anxiety attacks (sometimes full-blown panic attacks) if I thought I was going to see him. I avoided him for over a year (he doesn’t live near me, but his close friends are my close friends), I was so terrified of how he was going to look at me. Even now, things have improved greatly, but it still gets on my nerves.

Best of luck to you too. Your reply made me feel less alone in this, often times I get down on myself for not “having it all figured out” yet. Not just dating, but living in general. I forget how common these experiences can be.