Sid,

I feel compassion for you. Heartache is a universal experience that everyone suffers at some point in their life…. even the rich and famous get their hearts kicked around.

I would use this experience as a learning one. Never allow a romantic partner to make you a back-up plan. It never works out and always results in suffering that could have easily been avoided. The reason it never works out is because your mate loses respect and yearning for you. When the subject was brought up, you should have distanced yourself from her and laughed it off as a dodged bullet.

Does your ideal wife treat you in this unloving and almost masochistic sort of way? No, of course not. That would be unhealthy. Your ego is getting in the way of seeing clearly reality (1) she did not love you (2) she did not treat you very well (3) she is not loyal (4) she does not care about your feelings (5) being married in this type of situation would be HELL — that’s reality. Please realize that everyone should expect love, respect, and loyalty from their romantic partner. This is a boundary issue. Think of healthy male role models — would Tom Brady allow his partner to treat him this way?

I would focus your time and energy on securing more meaningful employment and self improvement.. Are you taking steps towards creating your ideal life? If no, why not Sid? Is fear holding you back? Please ponder this.

In conjunction with pursuing your life-long goals I suggest you start developing some sort of spiritual life and meditation practice. You need to learn how to control your repetitive thoughts and emotions that are torturing you and draining you of life energy. You are your own worst enemy at this time. Please have compassion on yourself Sid, we have all been there and you are going to come out stronger from this situation (and laugh about it one day). Suggested reading list in this case. Each of these books was worth their weight in gold and improved my life tremendously.

1) Power of Now – Tolle
2) Doc Love – “The System”
3) No More Mr Nice Guy – Glover
4) Way of the Seal – Devine
5) Mindfulness in Plain English
6) A New Earth – Tolle

Namaste