Hi Hannah,

Will provided some good advice and my heart goes out to you. It’s tough being in limbo when your happiness is dependant on the other person’s decision. When I was in a similar space, I remember how anxious I felt about waiting for the other person to make a decision. It almost felt as though I needed to justify myself for being good enough to be loved and as time went by, the relationship became so unbalanced that it collapsed anyway. The thing I’ve learned from that is if someone is not excited to be with you and require constant re-assurance, he is not the person you want to spend your life with anyway. You can’t influence how he feels about you but you can certainly decide how to react to this situation.

When my ex broke up with me, I also went the no contact rule to a point that I’ve deleted every possible way that I have to contact her to avoid the temptation. Like you, I was so heart broken that I know if we stayed in contact, things will go sour pretty quickly and I’d like to part on good terms. It’s true that when you love someone, you give a part of yourself and when that relationship ends, it feels as though you’ve lost part of your heart. On the other hand, based on what you’ve described it was a good relationship so there is something that you took away from it as well. My suggestion is that see it as an opportunity for personal growth and close it off so you can start the next chapter in your life.

When we experience trauma, it impacts us on both a psychological and physical level. If you want to process the negative emotions you are feeling effectively, I would suggest taking a walk in nature and engage in some kind of physical activity that you enjoy. These things allow us to focus on the present rather than thinking about our past or a future that can never be. Most importantly, breath and eventually you will find your way out of the pain.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Yue.