Hi Elle,

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your experiences with your former sister and ex. That sounds like it was a very tough and poisonous situation for you… I am glad to hear that you were able to get out of that toxic relationship! But, I am even more happy to hear that it is possible for you to still forgive and be positive. It is inspiring. I think you are right that she needs time to mature and reflect.

I think what scares me the most is my ups and downs. Last night, I fell asleep confident that I was going to feel better, and that everything was going to fall in place with him or without him. I felt so at peace, and excited for the future. But I had a dream that he wanted to be back together, and that he wanted to fight through our problems together. It was painful to remind myself that in real life, he doesn’t want to let me in, and I can’t DO anything to make him talk to me – I can’t make him give effort, I can’t make him accept me. I am going to respect his boundaries and his decision to stay distant. For his sake and mine. Maybe one day we will complement each other positively… maybe that dream WILL come true. But right now, the relationship is only one way and thoughts of him are draining me.
I’ve got to tell myself repeatedly, that day in the dream is not today. I cannot wait for that day to come, and I cannot MAKE that day come… I need to be patient and positive… and then, whether that day comes or not, I will be okay regardless.

It’s easy enough to reason with myself, but it’s harder to remain happy sometimes. Lots of times I need to stop chasing the memories of our time together… god knows how much I miss being in his arms. BUT I’ve got to tell myself that happiness doesn’t belong solely in the past… I am capable of being positive TODAY and I am going to show my positivity in whatever way I can and to whoever I can. Through that, it’s going to bring about happiness in the present and future. I have to work to get there.
Like getting through an essay I’m procrastinating on… I’ve got to write this essay to get good grades in college and work towards my career, a career that will hopefully give back to my passions and the people in my life… 😛 Every little thing factors in… I’m going to try to write this essay with that positive mindset.

Elle, thank you again for commenting. Truly refreshing and energizing to hear from your perspective and learn from the examples you gave from your own life and from others’.