Noname you can help yourself by asking for help.
There are times in life that asking for a helping hand is what we need.
You should give your self the opportunity to share your story with a therapist.
I am overwhelmed my self with pessimism sometimes but i am sharing this negative feelings with my therapist to realise what triggers these thoughts.

I am not saying its easy to fight what you are fighting but at least you can fight! You can say you tried!