Dear Lenny,

Its going to be ok and this too shall pass. Hang in there. E wasnt right for you and more of another high (love is quite a big one, no?) that just ran for the hills. They say that pain is inevitable and suffering in optional. As someone who spent this entire month trying to make sense of what the hell happened, feeling worse over time and trying to decode him – wondering if i had done indeed everything wrong, i concluded – I just met a shitty guy whom i liked like crazy and my feelings were more normal than i wanted to admit. When he just detached so easily, i should have known better but i clung on to some hope. I obsessed about him, tried to meet him and eventually i realized he just didnt give a shit about me that way.

It is so painful and i think you are coping in your own way but then the question is, isnt it time to finally feel the pain and accept it rather than using something which will harm you to numb it down? Isnt it like you are letting him win – i see him out there, living his life, happy with his friends and work – i then decided i will not allow myself to suffer anymore no matter how alone and stupid i felt. I had to spend more time on me. I think you gotta maybe devote once a day to a healing ritual – something like a new routine – like a bath, take care of your skin, hair, get a pretty dress, exercise more and perhaps some time to creative stuff to soothe your soul. When i really accepted over time that i was indeed on my own and the world kinda owed me nothing and i had only me, i decided that “me” needed the best treatment possible…Do write more about how you are doing though. Sharing our pain with the right people does help but the rest of the path we have to choose and walk.

May you heal soon from this and so do I. sometimes i still look at his pictures and feel longing, anger and self-loathing.

– Moon