I just wanted to write back and say that I feel a great deal of shame, regret, and grief because I was had an attitude with this guy. Because I was mean and frustrated. I can’t help but think that we would still be together if I hadn’t acted the way that I did. It was nothing in particular that I said. I never really *said* anything bad… it was my behavior. I acted in such a way that I couldn’t even recognize myself. And when I got mad, I got so enraged that I would literally have out of body experiences. Sometimes I could barely stand myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m just as horrible as he is.

And in the end, when I realized all of this and I said I was sorry, so many times, in so many ways. I cried and begged and pleaded. And all I got was a “well it looks like you’re a day late and dollar short.” That makes me sick!!!!! I’m having a hard time forgiving myself… I’m having a hard time with the realization that I may not be forgiven. I want to say that I’m sorry over and over and over again.

I’m just a confused girl 🙁 I feel incapable of giving and receiving real love. Deep down, I want to do what he did and just jump into another relationship. The fact of the matter is though, I don’t want to do that because I know I have SO much work to do. And I know I’m not ready or healthy enough to experience a healthy relationship. I’m in limbo between my wants and my needs. Somedays, I feel like I’ll never be okay.