Hi, Missyrap. I write long posts too. I kept reading even though I have very little experience with healthy relationships. But I have LOTS of experience with bad, flaky ones, and I know what I’m about to tell you will bounce right off, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Get him out of your life. Based on what you wrote, he is not ready for you, or anyone. He’s dating around and coming onto his best friend, dumping her for an ex (someone he already knows isn’t right for him), inviting you out and then ignoring you. Even if he does have feelings for you there’s no excuse for that kind of behavior. None. I can tell you my war stories, but right now, I just want so badly for you to walk away because I never did and it would have done me a world of good if I had. You already seem to know how painful it is to be taken for granted, how much you give him and how little you get in return. It isn’t supposed to be that way, even if you connect, even if he’s your “life line.” If you continue making space for him when he doesn’t reciprocate, it will just hurt and keep hurting. By all means, tell him how you feel, if he doesn’t already know. But after that, don’t accept less than you deserve from him.

You deserve his kindness and attention. You deserve to not have to play games, go on revenge dates, or “try not to seem clingy.” If you really think you have codependency problems, talk to a specialist. But don’t censor or shrink who you really are, because even if your tactics somehow worked, you would not be able to sustain them and the truth would come out.

You know you need to get over him, but I promise the only way to do that properly is to tell him what you want and then cut him off unless he decides he wants to give it to you. Not in a mean or demanding way: just say whatever’s on your heart and if he can’t give that back, then part ways. Stop rooming with his best friend. I know it can be bad without friends who really get you and if you can keep any friends from that group, then please do. But I think you have to make a choice between having those specific friends and having your heart broken repeatedly or trying to find new ones and only breaking it the once. And the truth? Either one is fine. See it through to the end, if that’s what you want to do. It doesn’t make you a bad or weak person if you can’t let go. But I really, really wish I hadn’t spent time with people, people I really liked or even loved, but who weren’t ever going to treat me the way I deserved.