Thanks, Will. This new outlook sounds really constructive, and already I can feel my mind easing up.

Remind yourself this is a person, not a set of juicy body parts

I feel. It’s not so much appearance-wise that I’ve been objectifying my friends, but moreso in the “hey, it would be pretty cool to maybe get to know this person better one-on-one and maybe be exclusive” kind of objectification. The latter is something I believe to be a lot more toxic since that denotes possession. Your advice still works though. The whole “It must be mine!” attitude is destructive. She has her own life and agency and I have mine. She’s not a trophy, she’s not property. She’s a person, and overall a good friend.

Don’t get too attached to your need to let go of it

This think this is key here. My focus has been so hard on “No, this is bad; I need to stop” that I haven’t sat with it. I haven’t given it a chance to pass. I’ve just been trying to force it away.

I think part of the problem is I do really enjoy this person and can relate to her well. I relate to such few folks in my circles anymore that when I find someone with whom I can relate, I find myself thinking deeply of them. Looking at it from a wider gradient though, this isn’t a problem at all! Meaningful interactions with friends are always positives. I just haven’t had many friends growing up, and I think my cultivation of “what it means to like someone” vs. “what it means to want to be intimate with someone” needs work. Fortunately, this too can be practiced.

You and your well-thought guidance helps much. Thank you once again.