Thanks for your reply! I am by no means pursuing my dream lol. I’m just too afraid to go through with it, and I’m already heavily invested in this teaching program that I’m in. I really do want to teach abroad, but I’m too afraid of telling my family/friends “I want to teach abroad and that’s that!” I just don’t know what I really want anymore, and the closer it gets to my 25th birthday, the more anxious I get. I know, I know; people say “you’re 25, you should be living!” “you’re an adult now, make your own decisions” “don’t get trapped yet in this endless cycle” etc. It’s just I’m so stressed out and, for the past few years, I feel like I don’t know who I really am. I’ve only been a student, a band member, a member of my church etc. I just feel like teaching abroad and being away from my hometown influence will give me some clarity, but then again, it may not. It also doesn’t help that I have an overbearing mother who wants a say in EVERY aspect of my life, even at 25. I feel like I can’t make my decisions out of fear of what others will think and out of fear of failure.
All my life, I’ve followed the path that was supposed to be guaranteed; make good grades in grade school, go to college, get a good job, move out of parents’ house, get married, and have kids then I’d be all set, but it didn’t turn out that way. I was stressed out in college, going back and forth with the idea of changing my major (I didn’t, but I wish I had). Before college, I said I would never end up working a retail job or something like that. But now that I’m in this dead end retail job, I guess I’m really eating my words. I’m still confused, and in two weeks, I’ll be 25 and confused. I know I’m young, but I just feel like I’m running out of time. I just want to be at a point in my life where I’m not constantly feeling like everyone is talking about me and judging me, where I can make decisions on my own volition without fear of what others think. I just want to be able to live my own life and be at a point where I’m genuinely happy with who I really am and not living a life that someone else is dreaming for me. Sorry this reply is so long, I just needed to get that out.