Dear Bill:
It has been a while since your post. I hope my response is still relevant to you. I believe that I feel some of your pain, that of being shamed and being discouraged. I often felt that.

People often enough feel that I am rude while i do not intend to be rude and am simply not paying attention. I may jump in line in a store not noticing other people are standing in line. Or I may speak to a person not noticing that person is listening to another person talking to them, etc. I can’t blame the others thinking i am rude and not knowing i was not paying attention.

I hope you can be a good person without paying dues to unearned shame.
Take care:
anita