Hi raven11,

No one can argue with a tooth ache. I’m serious. The day of the event, make like you’re all ready to go and then go “DAMMIT!!” and “run to the dentist” and text once you’re “there” to go on without you. Cracked tooth, root canal, whatever. In reality you will be at a spa, having a well deserved massage.

Now, what you should also do is call/visit “his” side of the family, each individually. Tell them that there are rumors that you are abusive, and/or about your husband’s shenanigans, and that you don’t know what to do! Confide in them in a “what do you think I should do” kind of way. You have to get out from under this family mob mentality that you are the bad guy. Pick the weakest link and become their best friend. Next year, do this with the next weakest link. One day, at a funeral or something, BIL will be all, “How come everyone’s clustered around HER?” LOL

An easier thing to do, of course, is to shed your DH, but if you have kids I can see why you might not want to do that (yet).