Lily , it sounds as you are such an amazing young woman , educated and know more about the world then many of us.. I invite you to read Louise hay,book “Gratitude” you can downloaded for free..I was feeling a bit sad and questioned why having done so much I did not have the life I wanted or a partner who love me. In fact I know realize I am so blessed to have everything I have.
please know you are not the only one who feels the way you feel, many of us have gone through these roller coast of emotions. wishing you well and a beautiful life.

take care,

matitta