Dear butterfly76:
Maybe you and your husband sit together and come up with a specific number of rules and expectations you agree to have for your daughter, such as curfew, chores, words not to use, expressions not to make (ex. no eyerolling). Be specific. Make sure there are the number of rules and expectations is minimal- what you must have from her at this point. When you are ready and sure about those rules and expectations- sit with her.

or if you would like before you make a final decision sit with her and ask for her input, so she is a part of it (I like this option better) and then sit again with your husband and considering her input, reject or incorporate this or that part of her input.

Then sit with her again and go over the final rules and expectations written in stone for now (to review perhaps at a later date).

anita