Hi Anita. Thank you for your kind wishes. I can tell you are a caring and compassionate person from the way you have responded to me and others on this site. I don’t want you to think that my life has been complete torture because of this. I’ve been lucky and blessed in other areas of my life for which I am grateful. I grew up with loving parents in a stable environment. I wish I had told them my secret and the shame I was feeling because I know they would have gotten me some help. This is a big regret of mine because keeping it locked up inside for so many years was harmful. I’ve also had a secure job and very good physical health over the years. Its been like a roller coaster; some very low points but also some very high points. My worst years were my teenage years as my guilt and shame led to social anxiety and OCD. Of course this was way before the internet so for many years I didn’t understand what I was and thought I was the only one with this “defect”.

I’m sorry you went through so much pain at such a young age and had to live with such intense shame for so long. I am so glad that you have found a really helpful therapist and that you are healing. Although we had different issues that caused it, its amazing how our feelings of guilt and shame were so similar. Have you picked up any new info from the book I told you about?