Hi there letitgo! 🙂

I read your story and your feelings are so similar to mine that I had to register just to post this.

My story is very similar to yours. I was in a relationship for 4 years (we broke up in February so it has been 4 months) and it was great until it was not great anymore and it became toxic. Long story short, I am much better of alone than in that relationship.

But it was hard for me to realize this and I developed a ton of strategies of how to cope with anxiety and fear. I will share some at the end of this post so you dont have to read them if you are not interested.

About the approaches I strongly recomend, you try to understand what went wrong so you can gain some confidence in your future relationships. You will be able to avoid the same mistakes. Also try to trully understand why you chose to stay in a toxic relationship for so long. Last of all try to understand why has your partner behaved the way she did and with that understanding forgive her. She was not trying to be mean or toxic and I am sure she had her own problems. Try to understand that everybody is human and has some issues. 🙂

About those strategies:
1. I went for long 10 km walks and later on I joined a gym. The nature of exercise requires for you to be in the now so it will lessen your anxiety a lot and will also make you feel better about yourself. In this way I lost 10 kg and got really taned from the walkes! 🙂 Also on the walks your mind somehow gets really clear and I had a lot of revelations from this.

2. When my had is in a haze of emotions I just pour them out on some paper. In this way I have to make some sense of them so I can write them down.

3. Listen to music! Believe me! 🙂

4. Soround yourself with family and great friends and pour your heart out. You do not have to be alone in this time.

5. I strongly encourege you to try anything and everything you desire. If you want it, do it.

6. If you have the money for it, you should try some joga. It is fantastic. 🙂

I will gladly help you if you have any questions or just want to pour your heart out. Send me a private message and I can give you my mail. 🙂

Best regards.
Matic