Hi Inky, arghh i just wrote a long post for an error to pop up.
I am glad that you you found a way to deal with your mom and find some peace back in your life. Those suggestions will help I hope. I dont usually like to talk about myself. But sometimes mom wants to find out more about me. I am not 7sually comfortable sharing details of me, for fear of judgement and criticism. I am not doing it her way or i am being wasteful or careless or whatever negative thing comes to mind. I have never been told of anything good ive done, but as soon as i do wrong. Its the first thing to be said. My mom complained that i dont complain about my husband. She wants me to share his bad habits. She complained about this because her friends daughter shared with her mum. So we should have a relationship like her friend and daughter. I dont like to air my problems to anyone, especially parents for fear of worry and critiscm and for fear of being used against me, which has happened with out areas. You learn from your mistak3es right, share what you are comfortable with.
Also, there is a cultural issue comeing from a European background where double standards between me and my brothers. They too havechad turbulent relationships with my parents, but they were the instigators in those cases and my parents backed off for fear of losing them and all the blame placed on my father. Its hard being a daughter/girl. I just want peace and understanding and time to heal!!
Best Wishes