Dear Glet,

I loved your honesty and self-awareness within this post. I too, had a difficult childhood laced with various types of abuse and abandonment involved. By the time I was 18 I hadn’t spoken to my father for five years. I sought attention and validation from men and had no idea how to have a real relationship with anyone, especially a man. I also used drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.

You mentioned in your post that you have found a best friend whom you can have a loving and supportive relationship with. That’s a start right there. You’ve let SOMEBODY into your life. And practice makes perfect. As you practice with your best friend how to be emotionally vulnerable and let your walls down, perhaps you can transfer this behavior into your relationships with SAFE men slowly.

I’ve recently had many discussions with my father about the things that took place when I was a child and he’s also made a complete change within his life. He admits to all his wrongdoings but it is still tough for me to have a close relationship with him. Which, for me, is okay. I don’t pressure myself. I know it takes time to heal and it’s okay to go at a snail’s pace as long as I keep challenging myself to be better and to forgive.

I remember when I had first started dating my fiance almost 5 years ago. One evening I was having an overwhelming sadness come over me due to some instance that had occurred, something that had triggered me, and he went to touch my heart with his palm. I completely freaked out and started yelling at him and crying. He had no idea what had happened. So I know how you feel. I know that emotional reaction.

For me, I think it’s all about courage and practice. Finding positive, emotionally safe people that you can be around that may or may not be within your family. People who treat you well, ACT like they love you, and don’t try to take anything from you. And each time you feel compelled to hide, you let them in instead. And as you continue to practice this behavior, it will get easier and easier. I KNOW you can change. And it seems like you truly have the willingness, self-awareness and open heart to do so.

So what are you waiting for?

Kristen