Dear Anita,
Yes, I am sure he felt good that he was able to comfort me and that we addressed this openly.
I also told him that I really admire his positive way of dealing with things and that I think his personality will also help him in the process (surgery, recovery etc).

Re my tendency for depression: the times it flared up where mostly in times of distress. First time during a big life decision regarding a relationship and relocation etc, then when I wasn’t happy with my job and overall living situation etc.
Sometimes I do have minor slips of moods for a while and try to just accept it but afterwards I can often tell that there was also a reason for it in my life circumstances.
But generally, why I am prone to this is because I have very high expectations for myself, my life and also others. And low frustration level. I am getting better and mindfulness and a mindfulness therapist (who I also talk to during the sessions) do help a lot.
I really understand myself a lot better now. I don’t think I am “weak” or “damaged” anymore because I have had episodes of depression.

So yes, I guess it stems from my personality but it is definitely controllable and I do find out I am getting better about it and don’t freak out when I have some bad days (in the past I would have thought: oh no, it is starting all over again, I will never be ok.).

Right now, I don’t feel really depressed as in “i don’t know what would help me now”, I feel more worried and sad as in “Everything would be ok if I just knew my dad will be ok / if my dad didn’t have this problem now”.

Thanks for reading all of this…