Thank you for the encouragement Matt!

Anita – I completely understand what you are saying and how he is being caused confusion as well. I think what is missing here is the events where ‘violence’ was involved (in front of the children at that), are the events where I was VERY firm in my decision to separate. The event where I called the police, was 1 day after I stood firm in that separating was in our best interests…and after that event conspired, he was crying and BEGGING me to give him ‘one more week’ to prove himself, telling me everything will change, and even told me I could leave if I wanted to leave but I can’t take HIS kids with me. I had no where to go, and the police said they couldn’t make either of us leave that night…and I sure wasn’t leaving the kids alone with him in that state of mind.

The event where he broke his own hand, was during a conversation where I stood firm again saying we ARE separating and I’m looking for a place for me and the kids to move out, and I was hoping we could agree on terms for arrangements for the kids. He once again was yelling, swearing, accusing, punching things…then soon switched to Begging me to give him longer, he’s changing, everything will be fine, and for the sake of not having the kids witness his anger and to ‘stop the rage’…I felt in that moment all I could do was agree. I have told him SO many times that I won’t change my mind, that more time won’t make it better for us, that I 100% believe separating is what’s best….and he goes back to telling me I can’t take the kids if I go…..so in all honesty I’ve had to wait for my legal side of things to start before I could make the direct choice to move out….in the advice of those around me telling me to ‘pretend things are okay’ for safety sake, until I have more ‘legal rights’.

I guess what I’m trying to say overall is, I made my no’s and yes’s known….and in those decisions felt completely intimidated one way or another in events that worried me for both my own and the children’s safety to ‘change my decision’ because that’s what he wanted at the time….

After a week though of him doing so many nice things for us, I see the side of him I really wish could remain so we could parent together and it becomes hard in that moment to realize change is coming….