Thanks Inky, your reply cheered me up 🙂 I appreciate it

I’m still beating myself up about the whole incident – I don’t think these feelings are going to go away anytime soon so I should get used to the idea that these feelings will diminish with time. In retrospect I wish I’d have really told the program coordinators what I really felt about the whole thing and just let it all out, but I guess I have confrontational issues and I hate complaining to other people. Maybe the host family were difficult, but I sometimes think I’m difficult as well – I just don’t like making idle small-talk, I kind of got the feeling that they didn’t like me as a person anyway and I just couldn’t relate to those people at all. When things like this happen, I tend to think that it’s all my fault – my fault that I find it difficult to have a quick conversation with people, my fault that they didn’t like me because I should have been more of an open, adaptable person. I wish I could be one of those people who doesn’t care about what other people think and I just wish I could say “well if they don’t like it, they can do one.” When I was over there, I thought I felt secure with myself and my personality but now I’m back home all of these insecurities I have about myself have returned with avengeance…

I think I read your reply to another forum post here and you responded to that persons post by saying “time heals all wounds” and “the best revenge is to live well” or something along those lines. I’m going to try just that!

In terms of the whole unemployment thing – I’m planning on becoming self-employed and starting my own art business soon. I just want to try and do something I love doing and getting my work out there – I’ve got nothing to lose and I hope by attending these appointments with the business mentor I was referred to, I hope this gives me the much-needed motivation to create my work. Hopefully that will keep me distracted and focused on what I need to focus on.

Aye, I have problems and insecurities. Lot’s of ’em!

Thanks again 😀