Anita

Thank you so much for your reply, it was just perfect and made me realise everything I have done has been the right thing to do.

I cut my brother out of my life almost 3 years ago now, I won’t allow him back into my life. I have to do what’s right for me and my children. My family comes first. When I was unwell my children had to witness their mum unable to go out of the home, we couldn’t go on holidays, days out… and I beat myself up for that. Thankfully my children are the most beautiful and understanding children I know. When I started going out again they high fived me, they spurred me on to keep going and overcoming my anxiety. My husband and my children were my rocks and I won’t allow anyone to destroy me again so that I go back to being that unwell.

My sister, I cut her out last summer as I gave her chance after chance to stop being abusive to me, she can’t change, it’s who she is. Everyone around me says she has always been toxic and it’s in my interests to stay well away. Even my GP has said my family are toxic and I am a new person since walking away from them. I had crippling anxiety most of my life to be honest, but in the last couple of years after my brother and sisters physical and mental abuse that was when it got severe. Now I am like a new person, it’s amazing. I feel free, I don’t feel I am waiting for something bad to happen, I don’t live on the edge of my seat afraid.

With my mum yes I have tried to let her back in, and she had been much better with me but this time she has cut me out, she won’t even call to speak to her grandchildren. I agree with what you have said, she is trying to manipulate me. She thinks by staying away from me, cutting me out for no real reason, I will come running and give in to her demands to speak to my siblings again and attend my sisters wedding. She has a total disregard for my feelings and what I went through.

My mum has caused me so much pain in my life and I have always forgiven her because yes, she is my mum. One thing I have realised these last few years is you don’t have to keep forgiving and putting up with people hurting you just because of DNA binding you together. My family made me believe you have to, but what you allow will continue and I have taken a stand and I won’t allow it any longer.

One thing you said that struck a cord in me is that really what am I missing? yes she is my mum, but in the last 3 years where has she been? she hasn’t supported me, she hasn’t behaved as though she loves me, she only visits to see the children and I feel unloved. So why am I this upset about her cutting contact with me? It’s just because she is my mum and my childrens grandmother and I feel sad for them. It is them I am upset for because I had the most wonderful grandmother (my mums mum) and she passed away 3 years ago just before I cut my family out. She was the most amazing person, she was like my mum and I am still not accepting she has gone very well. It’s her birthday tomorrow and I wish she was here so I could spend some time with her. I don’t feel like that about my own mum, if anything I resent my mum for the way she has treated me. I don’t need those negative feelings in my life. My mum stopped calling her own mum, she never visit her and my Nan would call me crying that her own daughter made no effort. My mum is a very ‘chase me’ type person, if you don’t go to her she sulks. She is a difficult person. My mum hurt me alot in the past and I forgave her, so it does hurt she is cutting me out after me giving her another chance at our relationship. She offers me nothing but hurt, resentment, fear…. so why am I upset. If I carry on allowing this it will continue so I am not going to call her, I won’t chase her, she is trying to manipulate me again and I won’t have it. I deserve to be happy and I know i will without my mum around, if cutting our my siblings improved my life dramatically then maybe it’s just my mum left dragging me down.

My mum sees no wrong in being with my manipulative sister, my sister controls my mums every waking hour. My auntie said to me, as long as your sister is around you won’t have your mum in your life, she controls her to much and your mum likes it. My mum brings my sisters children up like her own and my mum loves to feel needed. All I have ever wanted from my mum is her time, not to babysit, or clean my home, or help me bring my children up….. just her time. Obviously that isn’t enough.

Thank you for your reply, it’s really helped me.

Thank you

J Libby