Hi Happinessseeker,

First of all, I must compliment you on how aware of yourself you really are! As a college student, you are way ahead of so many of your peers in how conscious you are of your own actions. Paying attention to what we do is the first step and it seems you have done this in abundance.

I can completely relate to your situation as, about 15 years ago, I was nearly a mirror image of you. And I can promise you, it does get easier and it gets so much better. I guarantee it. Every mistake you make with a girl, every thing you regret doing or saying, is simply a lesson. It is your training for becoming better at relating to girls. And because youare smart enough to pay attention, you will learn the lessons and you will get better and better.

We often struggle in relationships because we are focused on ourselves. There is nothing inherently wrong in this, it is natural, but it does not really help us.

Try this: in all of your relationships (friends, teachers, girls, parents, etc), throughout your interactions in daily life, constantly ask yourself if you are paying attention to yourself or to the other person. Imagine arrows pointing in towards you or arrows pointed out towards them. Consistently ask, “Where are the arrows of my attention pointing?” If they are pointing inwards (if you are thinking and focused on yourself), gently attempt to direct them outwards. If you focus on giving to the other person, doing for the other person, being there for them, amazingly your fear, self-consciousness, awkwardness will be magically replaced with relaxation, confidence and charisma.

It may take a bit of practice, but you will surely succeed in this if you persist. And your rewards will not only be amazing romantic relationships, but also success in nearly every aspect of your life.

Remember, arrows pointing out! Give to others, focus on others and all the problems you mentioned above will melt away.