Hello LotusFlowerInTheMud,

First of all i really like your username as it contains a wonderful link to your question. (figuratively speaking haha) The lotus flower needs the mud in order for it to grow and in order for it to grow it needs elements from the cosmos – sun, rain, air, soil, seed. If we miss any of this elements, the lotus cannot grow properly. This is the same as any relationship we have. In order for us to have a healthy relationship we need remove the notion of him and I because in any relationship there must be the efforts of both parties for relationship to work well, hence the word “we”. And when we do this, it allows us to be more opened to our loved one’s differences in thinking and understanding of things we can come accept them and come to respect them. At the same time his suffering is our suffering and his happiness is our happiness, so we if we really care for someone we will try to put ourselves aside and attend to their suffering through deep listening to their suffering. Without the removal of self-centered attitude, deep looking and listening, we cannot build a healthy relationship. It is difficult for an unhealthy relationship to transform into a healthy relationship especially when scars of emotional and physical wounds form prolonged suffering. Because of this, it is emphasized that two people must be willing to put themselves aside in order to grow together. If you have time, you can look into How to Love BY Thich Nhat Hanh. He talks about the principles that form a strong foundation to a long-lasting healthy relationship.