Thank you all for great responses!

Matt, I think you nailed it. I think seeing myself not standing still and instead “move forward”, perhaps not even in the right direction, helps me cope with it. It’s a weird feeling and I don’t know how to explain it. But in essence, it is simply avoiding going backwards and doing anything to make yourself believe that you’re out there doing things and you’re on some kind of path which hopefully leads to a greater good. It’s better than not doing anything and dwelling on depressive thoughts. You mentioned meditation and coincidentally I’ve been reading a lot about it lately and started to really consider it as of late. I’ll be watching that video you referenced!

Axuda, I absolutely agree. These activities don’t really get me anywhere close to a long-term goal. They’re just an escape and I’m afraid that this escape is not going to be enough soon. The problem is I don’t really know what my goals are. I’ve accomplished a lot in my 30 years and I just don’t know what the next step is. So i’m just floating through life, wondering and waiting for something to happen. I do love my job but I wouldn’t blink an eye to quit and be on an trail for 4 months. What stops me is the responsible adult inside me. My hobbies are very closely associated with my profession and lately I find very little enthusiasm to work on hobby projects.

Anita, I think I did away with most of my insecurities. I’ve always been afraid of what tomorrow can bring and doing things that are way out of my comfort zone allowed me to overcome this problem and feel very secure about myself and my abilities. However, there are other things. On the outside, I am very “macho” looking guy, but I am way too sensitive for a man. I don’t show it but it’s always been affecting me when i’m alone with myself. I find myself dwelling on negative things forever. I have terrible time coping with negativity from people close to me. It boggles my mind how someone close can do something bad towards me. It’s almost unbearable sometimes. But I’m learning to deal with it. That’s probably part of the problem in this ordeal.