Dear miranam:

reading your posts, paying attention, all my life experience, my ability to detect and trust your intelligence and your insight as expressed so well in these posts, my conclusion is no way is he going to change. His ingrained pattern is: do not examine (wife’s) concerns, just say you’re sorry. Don’t listen to her, just “make nice.” It is his way or the highway. It is you, still, who is considering his Nice & Easy way. He is not and never did consider to do it your way.

The more you, miranam, invest in this relationship, the more of the same you will get. It is mind boggling to admit it, face it completely… you may say to yourself: I did so much, why not do a little more, maybe…

If you choose to divorce him, you have no guarantee that you will meet a man who will be of the quality that you need. Maybe you will. Maybe you will not. But staying with him, you are SURELY not going to have the man that you need.

You talked to your son already. You are paying attention to your son’s reaction, not taking his words as all there is. This is a good thing. Has his behavior changed since you told him? Did he know of problems before? Did he feel the tension before?

If your son can handle it, if his feelings do get validated by you… I hope you do divorce this guy. Your husband will be okay- there will be a woman out there who will see him as this nice, sensitive man who was cheated on by that selfish woman.. you.

The sad truth is… he doesn’t value you, only your presence in his life on his terms.

anita