OH LIBBY!! ((hugs))

I can relate!!

This is what I’ve done with my own Dad and my kids. I reframed the situation. I call myself The Holiday Aunt. I keep my family super busy so they don’t have time to miss the greater family, and then we see everyone on holiday’s. Mother’s Day (for step mom), Father’s Day, Easter, Fourth of July (here in the States), My Dad’s Birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. THAT’S IT! Everyone can be civil for one day (even me).

When they’re older (teens) and ask, tell them the truth without putting anyone down. Say, “Your uncle flew into a rage and the police saw it. We stay away for safety reasons. Your grandmother and aunts take care of uncle. They are all staying away by choice.” If they ask “But why do they/don’t they?” Shrug and say, “It’s their choice.” If they say “But why don’t you” repeat “Safety reasons”.

Of course they’re mad at you. You’ve CHANGED THE SCRIPT! I didn’t have the abusive brother, but I put my foot down when my dad became abusive. Suddenly I was disrespectful and unforgiving. I wouldn’t let my kids or I be alone on long vacations with them. And told them why. Said, “If we were back in the States and you pulled something like that I would call the police.” And, “Get help.” And, “My family comes first. It’s all about the kids. They’re the ones that really matter.” Basically saying *I* mattered, and *YOU* don’t now. Hierarchy = Kids, Me, You Last now.

While they’re living in this horrible parallel universe and supporting/enabling a sick brother, you’re offering a mirror showing them how life could/should be.

Keep being strong. Be a “Holiday Aunt”.

Blessings!!!!

Inky