Dear aerodyll:

What you wrote: “It only occurred to me yesterday but I think I am going to try and set up as a part time freelance graphic designer/typesetter/3D artist.’ sounds like a good idea and worth trying…but I have no experience in the field to know.

What I do have experience with is the issue you mentioned here: “So really everything points to giving it up as a bad job except my inner voice which while understanding this still feels guilty like I am quitting or like I am weak. And I feel like family and friends will be disappointed in me or like I will look stupid for it. I don’t know whether this inner voice is my passion trying to get me to work through this wall or whether that voice is the stubborn part of me that refuses to quit.”

This is my input: never mind family and friends being disappointed with you. Why, aren’t you disappointed in choices they have made? You are allowed to disappoint them. Talk more with your partner though. Your income and plans as far as income and time spent working should be considered when planning to have children. So, wait until you are clearer with a course of action until you and your partner are more prepared regarding time and money for new responsiblities. So you don’t complicate the situation.

I vote for that voice in you being a stubborn part of you that refuses to quit because you indicated in so many words that you do care about how you look to others, family and friends… as if it matters in your real life. Unless those people, “family and friends” are paying your bills, why do you care what they think? With all due respect, this is YOUR life, to discuss with your partner, not with any other.

In real life there is the thing of FLOW and going with the flow is strength. For example, flowing water is very powerful, it shapes hard rocks. But how does water flow? It chooses the path of least resistence. When it comes across a wall, it bounces against it and flows ELSEWHERE. Water reacts and moves away from difficulties and so it maintain its power. We, humans, are part of nature, human animals. The notion that we need to have a dream- and at an early age (“What do you want to do when you grow up?”) and then STICK to that one dream no matter what- well, that makes a nice story for the ONE person out of thousands that does so and succeeds, but it is not in accordance to the rules of nature. Animals react to difficulties and move away from them. They do not keep spending energy on what does not work (exceptions exist and are disasterous to the animal).

Like water, like animals, like nature…. you bounce against a wall… again and again… move away, flow elsewhere, and you will maximize your own power in your own life.

anita