Anita,
I think he/you are right about trying to acknowledge the pain she feels but not try to fix anything. I kinda knew when I responded to her during her last upset that I should have just tried to reflect back her feelings. It is incredibly hard for me to “hear” her especially when she clearly blames me for causing her to feel the way she does. I have to be reminded often that I am not responsible for her as you said and to try to move away from the guilt I feel for having a “better” life than hers. I wish she understood that she is choosing to interpret many things in a negative direction which only serves to make her more alone. I do think it is a good idea to start saying the I see your pain or know you are in pain (AND STOP THERE!) I read another post on here about expectations… I have to let go of mine for her so that I don’t get into trying to justify where I’m at and what I have done for her; she is stuck in her feelings and isn’t capable of hearing anything else! I am definitely going to try this from now on, if she will start speaking to me again..Or maybe in a few days, I will be able to reach out to her, once I am feeling less anxious and overburdened!
Thanks again,
I have really enjoyed this dialogue! It has been so helpful, especially to know a psychotherapist has the same problem! I need to get back into therapy, but it is often hard finding a good fit!!!