Dear Helen:

I like it that you told your bf that this is hard for you. You can tell him further (if you haven’t so far) what bothers you about it, or be willing to explore it further with him. I would ask him for information: the nature of his relationship with her (facebook only? Phone calls? Meetings???) I would ask him if and how he has changed since and if and when and how she has changed since? And what changed in their relationship? What is he getting, what is she getting… what didn’t work then and is working now?

I would ask in a non threatening way- make sure he is not on the defensive so you can get honest information, the only information that can help you. Once he feels safe to be open you can get all the information you want, if you listen objectively enough, evaluate what he says calmly.

I would be concerned in a similar circumstance. I would be worried about just what you termed “co-dependent” element in him.

anita