Hi, I am sorry for my late reply here. I kept thinking about it, but i was so tired with my work, that i couldn’t find the energy to go into that. I am sorry to hear how much suffering you went through Anita, and how you blamed yourself for all of it. I recognise quite a few things what you write, although i still find it hard to see that it wasn’t my responsability.
And i still feel guilty most of the time for being around other people, wasting their air and their view. Although i can now see that these are one thought patterns that are strong because i have built them up over so long time, i don’t seem to manage to let go of them for longer than a while.

When we were writing these posts i was thinking about looking for an other therapist, who could help me to look into all of these feelings. But at the moment i’m just continuin with my therapist in my home country.
Maybe i feel that there is still a lot to gain for me with DBT, maybe i’m just scared to go into all these things. Because i’m a bit scared, that i wouldn’t know how to cope with it all and how to get out of it.
Often i just feel like, just stop bothering about those things, and get on with my life, do something useful and open up. Although i already feel, while i’m writing this, that it’s not really going to work, it seems that i’m still in the denial phase. I find it difficult, the idea of going through such and emotional therapy, having no social network where i could find support, and having to be able to manage my job – a very easy job, but when my emotions get out, i can get really messy and unproductive.
I guess i’ll keep it in the back of my mind, and perhaps i’ll do something with it later.
Thank you very much for sharing your story with me and for making me think 🙂