Hi Greengiant,

Thank you for sharing your struggle. I hear you and understand what this must be like for you right now.

If I may offer you my two cents worth, in the best of faith, it would be this:

Human beings are relational beings. When we say we don’t want relationships, what we are often saying is that we can’t handle relationships or don’t know how to be in one. On face value, I would agree with you about she doesn’t want the commitment and perhaps feels vulnerable with making such a commitment. That’s fair enough and her entitlement.

With regard to the walls she quite clearly puts up, you cannot bring those down. This is not possible, nor is it your responsibility or obligation. Only she can do this. Your pursuit of her may actually build those walls higher when she’s pushed.

At the end of the day, there is two people in any relationship and this equal’s 100%. You can ever only be responsible for your 50% and never hers.

Now here’s the light at the end of the tunnel! HOW you take care of your 50% will make or break any relationship you either seek or wish to nourish. Take a look at how you are showing up for yourself. What sort of messages are you telling yourself? How do you actually see yourself? What walls do you have, and why?

These sorts of questions are the beginning to discovering what your 50% looks like. Then, and only then, can you decide how you’d like to be. This is either going to be attractive to her or not. However, by making decisions for yourself and your relationships per se you can then begin to change how you are outwardly to others.

Obviously I am skimming the surface here and I’m going on what you’ve offered, but I hope it helps somewhat.

Best of luck!

Matt.
http://www.seedslifecoaching.com/