Dear Anita,

I took some time to think about it and you’re right, deep down I was expecting to get more intimate with him after having physically intimate with him, and it seems that the opposite is true (since that phone call I told him to call me when he is able to (my profession allows me to use my phone at almost al times) and I did it to see if he was really interested in pursuing this or not, since when we were together he always had found time to text not only family to say that he is ok but work matters and such, so in the end I just wanted to see if there was a will to connect or an excuse not to (maybe this is not the most correct way to act from my side but I felt like I should do this). Needless to say that there was no more communication since then. I’m trying to find closure in this way, he’s just not looking for the same thing as I am. But that raises another question. I talked with a really good friend of mine who is actually here (he has been an amazing friend and he even knows my life story which is something that I usually don’t tell anybody) while talking about this told me that maybe the reason why you attract these kind of people to your life is because you love their freedom. He also said that I would probably like a person that gives me freedom to just be myself and that accepts me for who I am on everything including my past and the uncertainty of my profession (I never know where I’m going to be actually, I do have some control but not always). I automatically answered: ” I don’t believe such person exists” without even thinking. That scared me and only then I realized this. I’m conformed that I’m not going to get what I want in a guy, let alone having a real connection and intimacy with him so I just settled for less (which is not respectable to myself at all). But I realized as well that no matter what I try to think I just can’t believe such people exist. It’s sad and I would like to change that, but I honestly don’t know how should I deal with this one. If you please can tell me what you think about this I would be deeply appreciated. I know dealing with this kind of heavy stuff probably drains you, so just answer when you can and if you don’t mind to do so.

Just so you know I’m really grateful for all the help I got here from you and everyone

Rookie