Hello,

Nothing is really wrong with you. 20 years is a hell lot of time to be with someone and separate, especially if you’re still in love with them. It isnt about whats wrong with you though – you must be wondering how she could have moved on so fast, that too a contrasting change from the person she was with – well i will say this: In her mind, perhaps she had already moved away long before the 3 years of separation. I dont really think it was about you as much as it was about her – things change in 20 years, hell they change so much in just 5 years – maybe over time, she became more aware that this wasnt what she wanted.

That doesnt mean you are bad or incomplete in some way. It simply means that it no longer felt right for her. Dont take the blame so much on yourself. I have never been married but i have seen love die and there is nothing worse than turning cold for a person i had loved so much once. even though we were together for 5.5 years, in the last 1.5 years, in my mind, it was already over – i simply couldnt walk away at that point. He was a good guy but as i changed over time, i realized i wanted something else for me. You need to pick up the pieces and understand that this isnt about you. Its about her changing.

Work on recovering your self-esteem. These feelings of feeling like no one wants you, the longing are actually very common after the end of a long-term relationship in particular. When i walked away from my ex, though it was my choice, it was one of the hardest things nonetheless. Then i moved on and loved again despite myself. All this happened within a year – meanwhile i had gone cuckoo and it became obvious. I was alone, terrified, jumping from one person to the other to fill up a void but i never wanted to look back and get back with my ex.

On the outside, it seemed i was fine – i was thinner, my skin glowed etc and i had dates so often – but was i feeling fine inside? Not really. Rest assured though, she has been hurting too but has made a choice to move on from this pain. She was with you for 20 years – of course you shared something wonderful but life changes, people change – sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. That doesnt mean we give up on life and ourselves. You need to make a choice for you. She isnt coming back but you have to move forward.

Do you want to hold on this pain or let it go? Over time though, having love makes life easier but i realized that if i dont love myself in any way, i would always be in a state of turmoil and keep looking at others for answers, instead of trusting myself more. Break-ups can be a great push to find yourself and i think you’re getting ready to go there. You arent worthless and unlovable. Keep fighting and working to re-discover the life within you to complete yourself.

Do write here as much as you like and getting the negative thoughts out. Many of us are survivors here and we are here for you.

You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.

Ask yourself everyday – If you were your best friend, what would you advice yourself to do?

Regards,
Moon