Hi Hurtinotown,

I completely understand where you’re coming from, as I used to think the way you do.
Please listen carefully. Your low self esteem will be the cause of your relationship to fail. Think about this: why would you or anyone be with a person who didn’t value themselves? If you’re trying to sell me something (say, a pen) and you tell me the pen is worthless and doesn’t write well…why would I buy it?
It’s the same for esteem. Please stop looking for acceptance of yourself outside of you. Your husband, family or friends are not there to make you feel good about yourself. That’s your job. Find your value, whether it’s your amazingly generous spirit or your wizardry in the kitchen. Share that with the world.
Your husband looks at other women? Of course he does. They all do unless they’re gay. It’s very hard to watch your spouse check out other women, this I know. I tried playing this game: When I saw a woman who I thought was beautiful (and let’s face it, most are) I would point her out to my ogling man. “Hey, look at that gorgeous woman! Those breasts are so perfect and I love her boots!” What this does is it gives you both a chance to admire another human and it let’s your man know that you’re in a league above many insecure women. Does this make sense? Do not compare yourself to others, but do allow your self to see the beauty in others. You have a beauty, grace and spirit that no one else has. Your husband fell in love with you for it, but you’ve decided to allow him to hold the key to your happiness. Please do not let that happen! Find your worth, celebrate it with yourself and share the beauty of the world around you with your man. I bet that if you start allowing yourself and him to admire others, that the behaviour that you dislike will fade. Plus, even if he is staring at the only other woman in a room, you absolutely CANNOT be 100% certain that he is actually looking at her. Your insecurities tell you he is, then you start feeling bad, and then the behaviour that you hate follows. You hold the key to stopping your negative feelings about what your husband does. And you hold the key to feeling better about yourself. Don’t turn to him for esteem. Build you own!