I need to make a routine – I have to get up earlier and make a good breakfast and make no excuses to miss exercise….biking…swimming….kettle bell. Need to focus on me. I keep thinking things like “I can’t believe this is happening.” Especially ex with a new boy friend…always thought I’d be with her. But this is as it should be. I am seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and an outpatient program. Thoughts are awful….been to ER twice this week. I want to be indifferent – for some reason this is rearing it’s head now. Working with a crew to get through this.