Hi Annie,

I am sorry that you are going through a hard time. The first thing I want to do is address your #7 item where you expressed that sometimes you think of hurting yourself. I think that feeling is a common reaction to internal pain when you don’t see a clear path out of the pain and it is a feeling I have had in the past too when feeling bad. But a few years ago I heard a man speak who had survived a suicide attempt after jumping off a bridge that should have killed him. He said that when he jumped, he had the sudden realization that, “I suddenly realized that I could fix EVERYTHING that was wrong with my life except for the fact that I had just jumped off this bridge.” Wow. I think that says it all – we allow our fear and pain to make us feel hopeless, but everything is fixable as long as you are here to fix it.

It is difficult for many people to find their path when they become adults. Some people follow a path that is not right for them for decades because it is what their parents wanted or because they were following their peers or just pursuing what society deems to be the markers of success. Sometimes they explode in middle age because they cannot carry the burden of walking down someone else’s path. So maybe what is happening to you is a gift in disguise. You are facing these tough questions while you are young and while you have sooo much time ahead to figure out what you want to do and take the time to pursue it. How exciting for you! Maybe your path will not be the path that your mother chose for you – that is such a common human condition, though we always feel so bad about ourselves when we fear disappointing those we love. It just means that we feel love and do not want to disappoint people – that is not a bad thing unless it causes you to do things that make you unhappy or beat yourself up.

You mention that you are procrastinating a lot. You said you are feeling like staying in bed or just playing on your mobile phone all day. This happens when you are in a rut and having trouble getting out of it.

Can I ask you to do all of your friends on this site a favor today? I’d like to ask that you do something today to take care of yourself and to think kindly about yourself as you do it. It sounds like you’re stuck in a bit of a rut of inaction and beating yourself up. Shake up your routine a bit while practicing self-care. Take a walk or do some exercise and focus on your breathing and how your body feels. Eat a healthy meal and praise yourself for giving yourself the gift of vitality (or, if you prefer, get the gooiest chocolatey dessert you can find and celebrate indulging a little). Do something you’ll enjoy that doesn’t involve staying in your room or being on your phone – read a book you’ve wanted to read or watch a movie or give yourself a facial or mani/pedi. But whatever you do, treat yourself like you would a dear friend who is going through a hard time. Be gentle. Be compassionate. Be forgiving. Check Tiny Buddha for other articles on self-love and self-compassion. Give yourself a little time to put your worries aside and just take care of yourself each day, knowing that Annie deserves some TLC.

As you start to feel better, you may want to explore this site for other articles about how to practice gratitude (VERY helpful method for reorienting your emotional state when you’re feeling overwhelmed) and for how to find and follow your path.

I hope some of this is helpful. This is my first time responding on this site but when I saw your note I just felt it was very important for you to not feel alone. 🙂