Dear Amaranth:

First, I feel that you haven’t given yourself enough credit! You mention that there is a “curse” following you. I actually am thinking it is quite the opposite! You alone have been supporting your entire family on your own income…that includes your fiancé, son & 2 dogs…one person supporting 4…adding anxiety & ADHD on top of that…that is a HUGE accomplishment itself! See how far you have come along…that is a “miracle” to me already!

Second, you mention about living on large land with surrounded by woods and few people….do you know any friends, neighbours or anyone out there that have the same vision? Maybe you guys can chip in together to find a place. Or maybe you can inquire into joining one of these “off-the-grid” communities & help pay the “bills” by doing communal chores.

I don’t know which country you are from but here are a few examples of these communities:
United States: http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/responsible-living/stories/off-the-grid-communities-5-places-carving-a-sustainable-path
Canada: http://www.voicefromthebush.com/
England: http://naturalhomes.org/tinkersbubble.htm

Lastly, as Anita already mentioned…take little steps in life. Go for a short walk, enjoy the artwork your son draws, admire the trees and grass that are surrounding you. Some people in other parts of the world may not be so lucky…there are children around the world dying everyday from malaria, lack of clean water, war etc…many things that we take for granted. You can start counting the things that you have instead of the things that you don’t have….give thanks for 5 things everyday…a shift can slowly help…

Here’s a guided relaxation meditation youtube video you can follow…it is best to listen with earphones so you can zone out…

Good luck!!
Jennifer