Dear Unavailable:

Too bad, her having these mental challenges, sickness, really. To put it bluntly: she is not well. And I don’t mean it in a disrespectful way, just a fact of life. You know this is going to be an ongoing issue, don’t you? You know you are getting into serious business here, do you?

Moving with her, marrying her will not heal her. Healing for her could happen but only if she works very hard and takes advantage of the relationship with you for the purpose of her healing.

I don’t know your mental state. You too have fear (who doesn’t)- fear of abandonment. So you two are going to have a very difficult time. Whatever it is you choose to do- it is NOT going to be easy. It seems like the “easy” thing to do now: to calm her and to calm yourself FOR NOW. But it is a long, long way for the two of you and you may not make it.

This is not a case, however rare it may be, of two healthy individuals getting together.

Remember you asked in your original post how to convince her that you will not leave her? You can’t- not the ring and the heart and the lock and not the tattoo, not you moving with her, not you staying in the job you are in, not her staying on her meds- none of that is going to work except for the difficult, ongoing long journey together for the healing that the two of you need.

If I was in your shoes, Unavailable, as I understand your situation to be, I would leave her now. I can’t imagine you will take my advice but this is still what I will do, considering my life experience and my understanding- in the context of this thread- of your situation and her situation.

I am alone this Thanksgiving and have all the time in the world in the silence of my house to communicate with you today. Take advantage of it, if you would like, if you so choose.

I am a stranger to you, of course, I don’t know you or her. The answers to any questions you have are inside YOU. And you do know yourself and her. Only you are afraid to be alone and you are so emotionally close to your own situation, that an outsider’s view of it, even a stranger like me, my view may be more correct than yours.

Whatever health you are experiencing in your life as is, you may lose it in this expected union. What are your expectations once you live with her, marry her. how do you think it will be (looking for YOUR answers)

anita