Dear sophie:

I think you should end your relationship with this guy as soon as possible, so it is over and done with. No, not all men are violent or aggressive when under stress. Many women and men are aggressive when stressed, but not all. You just happened to be involved in two aggressive men in a row.

Somewhere along the way, with this guy, you started doubting yourself. Maybe it is because you feel your time is running out, being in your mid thirties and you are afraid you will not meet any nice guy, so you are trying to “make” this guy into a nice guy by re-thinking and doubting yourself. Maybe you are confused by him apologizing to you when he does. I don’t know why, but you are doubting your own evaluation (which you didn’t do with ex husband, did you?) but your self doubt is unfounded.

I think your reasoning is intact. You wrote that you are glad you didn’t have children with your ex husband; well, you don’t want children with this one, do you? Can you imagine little ones running around cursing, using the F and B and other words, threatening retroactively to throw people off cliffs?

Your reasoning is intact; your self doubt is unfounded. End it with him and make sure as you START getting to know the new man in your life that he will be calm, mature, and kind. Before you go on a hike anywhere near a cliff!

anita