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Dear anonymous:
There is more to you than the story of you and that man, a married man. More to you than the mess you are referring to in this thread starting a year and a half ago. There is MORE. And this more is not where you are looking. It is as if you are looking in the dark and in that darkness there is one flashlight and the only light is directed at that man and what happened.
You need to turn on the light elsewhere, to see into other areas in that darkness. The answers, the hope and love you are looking for is NOT where you are looking at.
Turn the light off in that area, that man and what happened there. Turn on the light elsewhere, there … and there too. See more into who you are and what your life can be about.
anita