Dear Anonymous:

You are welcome. Yes, good idea, I think, to examine your relationship with this man further. You wrote that you don’t consider marriage at this point. Look into what it is you are considering with this man. What is he considering. You wrote he is living with his parents and saving his money- for what purpose or goal? Figure out his thinking … more, his motivation and yours. Communicate more. Talk … more about what you two want. Not in a rushed way because this is not a mathematical dilemma to be resolved ASAP. This kind of communication involves discovering often hidden, dormant emotions and motivations, it takes time and gentleness in uncovering and exposing.

Things I would wonder about: how does he feel about his parents… how did he feel about them before they became elderly? What was his relationship with them then? Why is he helping them now (any other siblings? Why him then helping them alone??) I would wonder is guilt motivating him? What does he feel about his own value in relation to them? Is he trying to prove he is a good person? … What motivates him, is most important to me: what are his values, what is most important to him?

And to YOU, of course. Then see how these things match. Or not.

anita